I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
