Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
