y did u give ur computer a hand job?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
