I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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