Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
