I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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