drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
