But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
