Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
