i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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