I want to make a zoo with you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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