who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
