she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
