I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
