oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
