halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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