Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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