I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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