Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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