i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
