Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
