Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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