My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
