Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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