Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
