I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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