Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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