Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
