Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
