I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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