I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
