Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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