People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
