Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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