I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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