And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
