I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
