I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The air taste purple.
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