Can Purell be used as lube?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
