I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
