the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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