Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
