Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
