Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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