Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they need to just BURY HIM!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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