A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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