Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
