We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
