brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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