So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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