OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They have beer where we have blood.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
