So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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