stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
