WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
