Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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