we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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