from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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