You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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