I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
