Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
