My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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