i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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