new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
