This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
