I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
