Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
