I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
