u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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