How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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