Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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