shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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