dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
