Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
