At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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