Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
