Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
