At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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