you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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