you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this boner is exhausting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
