I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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