you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize