You can't special order awesome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
