My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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