dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
