guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
