I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
