As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
