Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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