the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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