Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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