she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
