I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
