What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
