Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize