The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize