my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
