Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
